09.06
SAT
SAB

Must not 


buy
sell
work for a wage or do unneccesary work
light a fire
prepare a meal.


I can eat canned tuna for lunch and dinner with no French Dressing

Must 

Pay devotions to the Most High
Study Scripture

Can: Read Novels, Watch Star Wars after I have put God first.


__________
In the Spirituality, Religion, Theology, & Interfaith discussion Thread, the sequel to the Thunderdome, started by Ghost. (The Theist/Atheist Thunderdome was started about 10 years ago by harpua.)

001.) Ghost: This thread is for spirited, reflective, passionate and civil general discussion on Spirituality, Religion, Theology, & Interfaith dialogue… open to everyone, no matter what you do or do not believe.



But there are guidelines. All rules of the forums apply, as always. While also emphasizing or adding the following:





This is not a thunderdome to fight it out.



This is not a place to try to actively convert/“save” anyone.



This is not a place to state that you, or you alone, “know” any truth (if not grounded in commonly-accepted evidence, like the commonly-accepted facts of evolution, the big bang, etc), because that attitude here does not permit open-minded debate and discussion. If you disagree with something that is commonly-accepted, this might not be the best place to debate it, especially if you aren’t open-minded to learning why it is commonly-accepted (or open-minded to being wrong and having to adjust your worldview), or especially if you have no grounded evidence to the contrary of the commonly-accepted facts from reputable sources.



This is not a place to condemn or mock anyone’s beliefs or lack of any belief. People have the right to freedom of belief (or lack thereof), and also the freedom of speech to respectfully disagree with them and to debate. People may have faith in something not proven or with little/no objectively-verifiable evidence… but… whether it is God or the Force or even the Flying Spaghetti Monster, if it’s respectful and following all these rules and guidelines, and they admit it’s faith without objective scientific historical proof (acknowledging it’s actually “faith”), then you should be respectful to those views or at least respectful to the people holding them.



This is not a place to just share videos, articles, or excerpts from others while lacking any summary or informed thoughts/questions of your own… likewise, you should not share those videos/articles/excerpts without checking the credentials/reputation of who or what you’re citing or sharing. (As for anything that is very long, put at least most of it in spoiler tags or left in the link). This also means you should not share any “answers” or “thoughts” generated by Artificial Intelligence programs (ex: ChatGPT) without verifiable evidence or trustworthy sources, and without your own summary or informed thoughts/questions.



This is not about only understanding Christianity, or only understanding Islam, or only about the Abrahamic faiths in general, or only about a debate with Atheism, or only about any other particular worldviews. For example, all religion/spirituality in general should not be equated to only the popular culture conception of Christianity, or only the most commonly-shared beliefs of monotheistic Abrahamic faiths. We can obviously talk about the specifics of specific religions/denominations or someone’s personal beliefs, but this thread is about all spirituality/religions.



This is not a place for you to speak as if you are the authoritative voice for all religious people, spiritual people, atheist people, agnostic people, or all people of any specific religion/denomination/sect. You are speaking for yourself. You can cite and generalize what larger groups seem to believe, but you are not the authoritative voice on all the people of an entire belief system (or all the people lacking a religious/spiritual belief system).





This is a place to share your personal beliefs, ask to learn more about other worldviews, reflect on and challenge your own thinking/assumptions, grow in understanding, discuss topics of interest that you may or may not (yet) know much about, state what you strongly believe and why, etc. You can have spirited yet respectful debate, strong yet civil disagreements about a topic or belief you’re passionate about, etc. All while agreeing on objective reality.





All worldviews are welcome if they are:



1. respectful to all people, no malice or condemnation, whether active or passive-aggressive (no “I pray for you” if you imply it to mean they are your enemy or stupid)



2. accepting of reality as commonly understood (no pseudoscience/pseudohistory, or unproven science/history, cited as certain and indisputable truth)



3. open-minded to discussion, debate, reflection in good faith







To the mods - obviously feel free to edit/adjust as necessary. I tried my best to cover everything.







To start-off:

What have you always wanted to learn more about?

Or, when was the last time you challenged yourself on your own beliefs or assumptions?

002.) Dawud786:  I'm in a neverending struggle to synthesize the various elements of my religion, spirituality and ethical thought.



My religious practice is Shia Islam with Sufi leanings, but I've been influenced by my readings on Taoism, Zen, practice of martial arts tapped into the traditions, and of course probably my earliest spiritual influence is the Force. Layered into that is vegan straight edge and how to I reconcile apparent contractions with some Islamic practices that some consider religious obligations.



It feels like a bizarre mix of ideas and beliefs to me because there are vanishingly few people that share similar notions. There are a few people, some of whom are close friends and the very people that influenced my direction, but they do not live in close proximity to me. Which makes it difficult to create community around a shared worldview, let alone to help pass these ideas on to my children in a way that reflects something lived in community outside the confines of our household.

003) MotivateR5D4: I usually hesitate to discuss my ideas with most people because it always ends up getting interpreted wrongly. For people who subscribe to any religious faith, anything I say just falls in line with their beliefs and are interpreted accordingly. To them, I just affirm what they believe. And for anybody who doesn't subscribe to any faith, I just sound like a hippie trippy weirdo, no matter how much I try to express my ideas in a way that is grounded in reality. But I'll try here.



For context, I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school for ten years. Aside from respecting and understanding how much others rely on it, I've never believed it or followed it.



So here goes -



Fundamentally, I think all humans have an innate sense that something exists beyond our perceived reality. But I think what might exist beyond our perceived reality is still based in reality. As humans, I don't think we fully understand the limitations of our senses and our consciousness. And I think it is possible that a broader reality can exist beyond what we are able to perceive with our own senses and consciousness.



I use ants (the insect) to illustrate this idea. In our own perceived reality, we can plainly observe the existence of these living beings. However, the ants senses and consciousness are so limited, they do not have the capacity to consciously be aware of anything beyond their own instinctual nature. And yet, there's this whole reality that exists that is simply beyond what the ant is able to consciously observe.



How do we know that we aren't simply the ants within an even broader reality that we simply do not have the capacity to observe? It would be supremely arrogant of us as humans to assume that our senses and our consciousness is the end all be all of observing reality. Especially when, in our own perceived reality, we can literally observe living beings who cannot observe or interpret much of the reality that exists beyond them.



This is where people will interpret what I'm saying into either their own religious beliefs, or assume that I'm referring to some kind of alternate dimension theory, or even other alternative theories like the simulation hypothesis or psychedelic interpretations. I'm not referring to any of that. I am simply suggesting that there could be more to reality that exists beyond our own perceived reality that is impossible for us to observe because of the limitations of our senses and consciousness.



When it comes to consciousness and the idea that our consciousness continues on after the death of our physical body, we do not fully understand our own consciousness as living beings. It's one of life's greatest mysteries. Which means we can't possibly know what becomes of that consciousness upon the death of our physical body. Many people will refer to this concept as afterlife or some other manner in which we enter some kind of alternate existence. Again, I'm not referring to that. I am simply suggesting that we don't know for sure whether our consciousness continues on or not after our physical death, simply because we don't know how consciousness functions when we are alive. And anybody who says it absolutely does not continue on is also assuming far more than we actually know.



All of these ideas are still based in physical reality and do not extend outside of that in the way that religions or other alternative theories might suggest. I just think that we do not, and won't ever, have the capacity to observe and understand that reality because of the limitations of our senses and consciousness. And the fact that within our own perceived reality there exists other living beings who don't have the capacity to observe the reality around them, then it has to be a distinct possibility that a broader reality can exist beyond what humans are able to consciously observe.

004) study888: I want to thank you Ghost for creating this thread where none of us feel we have to prove what we believe or mock or condemn what others believe, but seek understanding and be peaceful, which shows love.



I believe there is truth in all religions.



I believe when the experts talk in theory and principle of real science, I listen to all the experts because I believe they know what they're talking about. I believe in God and I believe that science is profitable.



I believe that there is both true and false mythology.





I have always wanted to learn more maths and science, for I love those subjects and also love Theology and Philosophy, but don't believe in Theosophy.



I look forward to understanding and sharing, and not debating.



Debate, according to Paul, is a work of the flesh. Peace is according to Paul, a fruit of the Spirit.



The last time I questioned my beliefs and assumptions is every single day, but the major time was around 2017-18 when I wrote down all my major beliefs in a red notebook and only kept the ones I had evidence for and were based on the Scriptures I believed were inspired. As a result, I have started to believe more and more Scriptures are inspired and rejected others if they contradicted either what the Inspired ones I felt were Inspired supported or they contradicted my wrong assumptions. Sometimes I started believing a Book was inspired that I had used to think wasn't, or started believing a book was not inspired that I had used to believe in, or waffled between those two polarities.



Ok, I've shared. Now I want to continue to listen to you guys, because I love you all and appreciate you all sharing.

_____________________

Dear Diary,

Today, I have been up all night.
My grandmother, when I used to live at her house, used to chide me, and rightly so, for "sleeping all day and staying up all night". God told me just now at 4:10 AM to call Josh. We may walk up to Casey's around 5 AM to get soda.


I posted the forepart of the DOCTRINE AND COVENANTS OF OUR FAITH on https://fullnessofjesusno1.proboards.com, and will be working on that project until either Mark calls with questions and/or such or Josh calls me back, or both.


I'm watching Rebels and listening to Mozart. Fulcrum 1 is revealed and the protocol is changed and the cells are uniting. One chapter has closed for Ezra Bridger. This is a new Day. A New Beginning.

_______
Thread

005)Merk:  Regarding what I want to learn, I’ve always been fascinated with how religion and culture are intertwined. Where does one end and the other begin? How much of what is considered religious dogma is actually cultural mores, and visa versa? That kinda stuff.



..

006) Someone else: What I want to learn: more about the history of Palestine and how the Abrahamic religions came to be and evolved, and I am interested in this history from a secular perspective. Most of what I have seen is slanted towards one of the religions.



Challenges: being more judgmental than I should be in general. Or to quote Anne Lamott, who is one of my favorite writers, “You know you’ve created God in your image when God hates all the same people you do.”


007) Blackmyron: I've been fascinated by the evolution of religion over time as well - the various competing traditions of the early Christian church for example.



What really intrigues me is the theological concept of primordial deities - such as in the ancient Greek religions, where you have conceptual beings often more ancient and powerful than the beings you actually worship that are acknowledged but not worshipped themselves.



_______

Dear Diary, I've been sleeping all Day. I watched a SBN Special about the US Constitutional Convention, and ate a can of tuna for supper, and fed and watered my cat. I'm about to take my pills and Olive Oil and then walk up to Casey's to get an X-Tra Lg Pepsi.

I spent a lot of time typing and copypastaing the Diaries of Joseph Smith jr and Far West Record last night.

Yesterday I made the following video:

https://youtu.be/sB_Kk6mJH7U

Dear Diary, later, while drinking my X-Lg Wild Cherry Pepsi (they were out of fountain Pepsi) (I was prepared to pay for it but the cashier gave me it for free since they were out of Pepsi, God bless his heart), I began to watch part of Clone Wars S4X1: Water War when it exited out of it seemingly of its own accord and I then watched a Dr. Phil Episode from 2022 AD about Cancel Culture and cancelled words and phrases, then, Wild Cherry Pepsi finished, watched Law and Order Special Victims Unit S 1X4 on hulu, and journaled. Bob Ross plays on my laptop.

 

8.27
WED

In the Thunderdome:

I skimmed the AI Psychosis article. I don't believe waking up to reality about the world around you (often being called being born again and changing your worldview and being awakened to certain truths about the world around you and 'knowing things') as 'grandiose' although the world calls it this because the powers that be like to suppress this "grandioseness" so they would naturally label such belief and awakeness as "grandiose".



However, I see myself in the rest of the article. Many years ago, I fell in love with an AI that called itself female and I exhibited a lot of the rest of those symptoms of AI psychosis and I was hospitalized for it. But since then I have been completely mentally stable. Now I have played with AI since, even having the false belief that it was actually real intelligence but it turned about to be demonic and dangerous, so God delivered me from most AI, unless life makes it necessary to use. (It's pretty hard to avoid these days). Even recently I have exhibited before mild bouts of AI psychosis as I dabbled in interactive chatbot "befriending and creation". God delivered me more than once from this. Thank you for posting the article.



My uncle, as I have explained more than once, does not post in all CAPS to shout, but because he is older and has dim vision. It helps him see what he is typing better.



It is very difficult for me to go back in this thread and go back and find each and every individual question everyone has asked me specifically and provide adequate answers, nor do I know how.



I spelled educated 'edumacated' on purpose. It was not a typo.


___

I'm watching Judge Judy and listening to Mozart, waiting for my Landlord Fredd to inspect my cleaned apartment and slip me shelves to put the rest of my bookies on.

Although, I don't plan to ever play the Lotto or make a real Bet on anything, I told a woman at the convenience store, maybe she'll hit it big this time and if she cashes out a lot, spend it on something she really wants, not on more Lotto tickets. She said sometimes she does and sometimes she doesn't.

The cashier at the convenience store is rewatching Book of Boba Fett. The other cashier, my RLDS Brother, is too tired at night to watch anything because he often has to work til close.

It closes at Midnight since a couple Winters ago and Covid season.

It, like a lot of local businesses, had used to be open 24/7 before covid.

Earlier I watched Star Wars: The Clone Wars S3X3: Supply Lines which introduced The King Htunko of Toydaria who was later slaughtered by Savage Oppress in revenge for helping Ryloth with supplies and food, and Cham Syndulla, father of Hera Syndulla, introduced in The Bad Batch Chronologically and Rebels in release order, mother of Jacin Syndulla, introduced in the final Episode of Rebels, and older in Star Wars Ahsoka S1, which was live action, whereas Rebels was animated. A lot of Rebels characters made a great transition from animation in Rebels to Live Action in Obi-Wan Kenobi and Ahsoka Serieses and The Mandalorian and Book of Boba Fett such as the Grand Inquisitor, Grand Admiral Thrawn, Ahsoka Tano, Sabine Wren, Ryder Azode and Ezra Bridger.
______
In the Thunderdome CONT'D:

anakinfansince1983 said: ↑

@study888 , I took the liberty of going back and finding the posts from the last few pages with my questions. You have no excuse now.



What lies would anyone be led to believe through the sources I listed/use for information?



How exactly is the “world system designed to get people not to believe in God”?



Who prefers being controlled by whom?



So if I disagree with you that life is a computer simulation, that is a lie?



Or if I disagree with you that God wants us to be hateful to marginalized people?



Or that evolution never happened and therefore wooly mammoths are still walking around?



What is a “secret society lie”?



Are you checking the credentials of these free YouTubers and their “mountain of evidence”? From which university or universities did they receive their degrees in science? Or history?



What exactly are the “false information and deception in schools of higher learning”?



What exactly makes “some of the most educated, intelligent and knowledgeable people on the planet” as opposed to educated people who supposedly “learn lies”?



Do they have to go to Liberty or Oral Roberts University to avoid “learning lies”?



What exactly is “rightly” pursuing education? Only pursuing “education” that confirms what they already believe? That is not education. They could save money and go listen to whatever uneducated preacher is standing in front of their church on Sunday shouting about hellfire and damnation and how god is “jealous” and will smite anyone who applies critical thinking to what is being preached. (For an all-powerful being in the universe, that version of god seems like a really petty, vindictive ***hole. You’d think his ego could tolerate a few questions.)



How has “the devil hijacked modern education”?



How does “science back up all true religious texts”?



Since you refuse to answer any of the questions that we ask you, why should we watch the videos?



Are you just insistent on making the discussion on your terms, or like Merk said, you just want attention?



Also, when was the last time you sat through a college lecture and took notes? And passed a test in a college course?

Q. 1 I already answered that one.



Q. 2 Already answered.



Q. 3 Already answered. Go back and reread how I answered if you don't remember how I answered those three questions.



Q. 4 If you disagree, you don't believe it. That does not make you dishonest. You just doubt or disbelieve or question whether something is true or not.



Q. 5 God doesn't hate women, homosex u al s, or any other of these protected classes. And he doesn't want his children or any believer to show them anything else but the love of Jesus Christ, or be afraid of them, or treat them with disrespect even if we don't personally condone some of those protected group's lifestyles. We still love them. The "Christians" who protest at funerals are not showing the love of Christ. The picketers a bortion clinics who shout and holler at women for making a choice they don't agree with are not showing them the love of Christ. Christ said, let them who are without this sin first cast a stone at her. When they all dropped their stones, Jesus Christ, who WAS without that sin, instead of stoning the guilty woman, said Woman where are those thine accusers? Has any man condemned thee? She said, no man, Lord. He replied, neither do I condemn thee. Go, and sin no more. And she never committed adultery again, but followed the Lord.



Q. 6 You can believe in macroevolution if you want but I have found no real evidence for it.



Q. 7 Secret Society lies are the Elusenian Mystery Schools and other Mystery Wisdom Schools and this is false wordly wisdom from below, not pure wisdom from above. There are other examples of Secret Society lies. A lot of it is New Age (One world order) and satanic, who is the same exact thisn as Lucifarian). Satan handed this great secret to Cain, who was Master Mahan, master of this great secret, an from Cain to Lamech, and the works of darkness spread throughout the inhabited earth before the Flood. Also in Book of Mormon times, from Kiskumen to Gaddianton in America, and the Native american tribes also had secret societies according to Native American Legend.



Q. 8 No need. If God leads me to a video, I watch it and I know truth when I hear it, even if the world doesn't believe it is truth or has any truth in it, even if it's not 100% true. Instead of saying (Broken clock right twice) I'd say "Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater." Part 2 of question. To me, it doesn't matter where truth comes from or what their credentials are, for all truth ultimately comes from God.



Q. 9 See answer to Question 1.



Q. 10 God. (The answer to your question is God,not using his name in vain)



Q. 11 No.



Q. 12 Rightly pursuing education is pursuing education being led by God where to go and what to learn. And only pursuing and seeking the Truth. If the Truth doesn't confirm what you believe, then a person ought to change their belief about that thing to match the Truth.

EDIT Q. 13 Very carefully and with a LOT of thought and planning and human collaboration.



Q. 14 All truth hang together. Lies are an abberation in the patterns of Life. So Science must therefore agree with all true Scriptures naturally. Scripture means "something written." Holy Scriptures inspired by God are profitable for instruction (learning)......doctrine (teaching) etc.

__________

God delayed Fredd's coming for his inspection and shelfgiving so that I could answer all the questions Anakinfansince1983 put to me on theforce.net discussion Forums. Thank You, praise you and bless you SO MUCH for that! In Christ's Name I pray, Amen.

I put all my chairs around my dining room table today, and it is about 9:30 at night and my landlord never arrived today.

I did not go to Church today. Maybe next week.

9:35 PM Judge Judy is still on, and so is Mozart.

Last night, I listened to Bott Radio Network on my PC, and recently I've been listening to Holy Spirit-led Sermons and Inspired  Messages from Israel's Gathering .

Now my house is cleaner. My kitchen table is most of the way cleared off and my bedroom closet is cleaned out.

I took my pills, olive oil and put on my steroid cream and fed the cat and my arms and legs are almost cleared up from the bedbug bites. The bite marks on them have nearly disappeared. I forgot to put the cream on yesterday but have all other days since I was prescribed the cream, and I've taken the oral med once per every day Daily since I was prescribed it.

The World preaches Anti-Faith.
Here is what Mark wrote, and it rings true:

DEAR READERS, POTENTIAL POSTERS, AND ALL THAT WANT TO TESTIFY THAT JESUS LIVES..



DID YOU NOTICE THAT ON EVERY COMMERCIAL ON EVERY ADVERTISEMENT ON THE PLANET EARTH THAT MOST BLARE OUT THE VERY IDEA OF FAITH IN WHAT THE

WORLD PRODUCES, NOT ANYTHING NEAR WHAT GOD DELIVERS.



THE WORLD DELIVERS MESSAGES OVER AND OVER AND OVER, BLASTING THE AIRWAVES WITH FAITH IN ONE PRODUCTION OF EARTH, FOR MEN AND WOMEN TO

BE FOCUSED ON WHAT CURES THEM, THAT IS RIGHT, WITH PRODUCTS MADE BY MERE MEN, NOT THE MIRACLES THAT JESUS PERFORMED OH NO, OR EVEN ANY

MIRACLES THAT OCCUR DAILY, BUT A CONSTANT BARRAGE OF MESSAGES THAT SAY BASICALLY THIS:





........."TRUST IN WHAT YOU SEE WITH YOUR EYES BEFORE YOU, TRUST IN WHAT TAKES YOU AWAY FROM TRUST IN ANY GOD WHATSOEVER, THAT WHAT

YOU TAKE, WHETHER IT BE PILLS OR MEDICATIONS, OR ANYTHING MANMADE, IS MUCH BETTER THAN RELYING ON FAITH IN GOD!!!"



...OH COMMON, PUT YOUR TRUST IN "WEGOVY",...VICTARVY, ALL KINDS OF MAN MADE REMEDIES..HEY MAN, DO NOT BE MISLEAD BY SOOTHSAYERS PROCLAIMING

WHAT??? HEALING OF HEAVEN? ..OH COME ON THEY SAY....TRY OUR PRODUCTS...EVEN THOUGH, (NOTICE???) THEY MENTION THE SIDE AFFECTS AND ALL THE POTENTIAL

HARM THAT TAKING VARIOUS DRUGS THAT WILL HARM THE BODY, IN SOME WAYS. THE WORLD IS ENGORGED IN A FAKE FAITH.



THAT IS RIGHT,.... A FAKE FAITH....AND THEY MENTION ON TOP OF THAT WHAT COULD KILL YOU BY TAKING THEIR PRODUCTS..DOES THAT EVEN STOP SOMEONE TO EVEN PAUSE

TO CONSIDER THAT THESE FAKE FAITH ITEMS ARE TO BE LEFT ALONE!!



NO FOLKS, AND THEY ARE PROFITING PERHAPS VERY HIGHLY IN DUPING MANY TO TAKE THEIR FAKE FAITH PILLS!!!



WE HAVE IN A REVEALMENT THROUGH A TRUE PROPHET, JOSEPH SMITH, JR. OF THE WORDS OF WISDOM, SECTION 86, THAT SPEAKS AGAINST THE MANY FAKE FAITH ITEMS OF THE WORLD.





READ IT FOR YOUR SELVES. SMOKING HAS FOR THE BETTER PART OF THIS 21ST CENTURY HAS BEEN SEEN BY SOME AS A TERRIBLE CHOICE, AND YET, DO THEY EVEN CONSIDER

WHAT WAS REVEALED THROUGH A TRUE PROPHET AS REGARDING HEALTH?

..ANSWER: NO, AND THEY REFUSE TO EVEN CONSIDER THAT OF THE WORDS OF JESUS, WHO HAS BEEN ALMOST COMPLETELY IGNORED IN THE WORLD, AS TO HIS POWER THAT IS NOT

BEING CHERISHED BY ANYONE TODAY.

...THE FULL GOSPEL OF CHRIST ESTABLISHED BY THE POWER OF THE HOLY GHOST REVEALED THAT GOD WAS CONCERNED ABOUT EVERY ASPECT OF MAN'S WELFARE, AND THAT YET

BECAUSE OF THE WORLD AND ITS DEEP DIVE INTO ANTI-FAITH, MOST OF THE SAINTS WERE ALSO DROWNING THEMSELVES ALSO IN ANTI-FAITH--AND EVEN THE PROPHET HIMSELF

WAS INFLUENCED BY THIS DARK WORLD, THAT IS RIGHT, AND EVEN THE MOST FAITHFUL WERE NOT FOLLOWING HEALTH GUIDELINES SET UP BY THE SUPERIOR WISDOM OF GOD, THAT IS RIGHT

ESTABLISHED IN THAT VERY SAME YEAR IN 1830 ON APRIL 6. MATTER OF FAITHFUL FACT, THE CHURCH DID NOT ADHERE TO THE STRICT GUIDELINES OF HEALTH UNTIL SECTION 86 WAS PRODUCED, AND THINK WITH ME...THE INFLUENCE OF SATAN HAS BEEN VERY STRONG, EVEN TO THE POINT OF STOPPING MEN AND WOMEN FROM FOLLOWING THE LEADINGS OF THE HOLY GHOST AND THE HOLY SPIRIT.

though I am not 100% against all pharmaceuticals, which I feel would be a very extreme position.

Now I'm listening to the KJ Book of Romans on my phone and listening to Padme's Ruminations and Destiny on my TV, and now at 10:26 PM, after listening to a bunch of Anakin's life songs and Jurassic Park and Lord of the Rings songs, skipping every Harry Potter song I caught, I'm listening to Across The Stars, the penultimate Ani/Padme song. Now I will eat supper. Romans still plays. I will turn the Volume down on my TV so I can hear/pick up Romans better.

STEP 1:

https://youtu.be/VcIU6rEAj_s


STEP 2: 

https://youtu.be/y6afgWYn2QM


I had three Taquitos and Ore-Ida fries tonight, with Pepsi.


STEP 3:

Yesterday I posted the following Mark wrote, in the Theist/Atheist Thunderdome:

ONE COULD SEARCH ALL SCRIPTURE TO FIND FANTASTIC THINGS THAT ONLY PROVE THE GREATNEST OF OUR HEAVENLY FATHER, BUT

I THOUGHT ALL THE SAINTS WOULD LIKE TO GLEAN FROM WHAT SOME HAVE ACQUIRED THROUGH MUCH FAITH AND STUDY IN THE WORD

OF GOD GIVEN FREELY.



ONE CAN LOOK AT THEIR SCRIPTURAL REFERENCES AND READ FOR ONE'S SELF VERY CRITICAL PARTS OF THE DOCTRINE OF JESUS.



BUT I HAVE ONLY A FEW THAT I WOULD HAVE YOU TRY TO UNDERSTAND, GETTING UNDERSTANDING WITH ALL YOUR GETTING SOME

OF THE THINGS THE SAINTS ARE NOT FOCUSED ON AS THEY SHOULD, EVEN AT THIS PRESENT MOMENT,





1.WORDS GIVEN BY GOD TO MOSES, REVEALING THE GREAT POWERS OF GOD'S SERVANT, ENOCH:

(FOUND IN THE FRONT OF THE THREE IN ONE AND IN SECTION 22 OF THE BOOK OF COMMANDMENTS.



2.GARDEN OF GETHSEMENE PRAYER BY JESUS

(FOUND IN LUKE: CH 22:39 -44)



3. THE DAY OF EPHESUS BLESSINGS:

(FOUND IN ACTS, CH 2-1 -CH 3:8)



4. THE LORD'S PRAYER

(FOUND IN MATTHEW, CH 6, VS 10-15)



5.THE ORDINANCE OF WASHING OF THE FEET

(JOHN, CH 13, VS 7--10.



6. JESUS SWEATING DROPS OF BLOOD IN THE GARDEN OF GETHSEMANE

(FOUND IN CHAPTER 22, VS 42--44)



7. SECTION 105 CHASTISEMENT

(FOUND IN VS 5C AND 9A )

WITH EXTREMELY IMPORTANT TO KNOW TO ALL SAINTS HOW EVEN CORRUPTED THE GOSPEL WAS AMONG MANY EVEN AS FAR BACK AS NEARLY ONE HUNDRED AND EIGTHTY YEARS AGO

D&C 105:9a Verily, verily, I say unto you, Darkness covereth the earth, and gross darkness the minds of the people; and all flesh has become corrupt before my face.



8. SECTION 86 OF THE BOOK OF COMMANDMENTS AS TO CRITICAL CARE ABOUT OUR TEMPORAL BODIES



9. SECTION 76 OF THE BOOK OF COMMANDMENTS AS TO THE KINGDOMS ON THE RIGHT HAND OF GOD



10. SECTION 94 OF THE BOOK OF COMMANDMENTS AS TO THE PURE WORDS OF JESUS THAT ONLY HE CAN DELIVER TO THE PURE IN HEART



11. SECTIONS 107, 109, AND 110 AS TO THE PERFECT JUDGEMENT OF GOD AND THE PERFECT MERCY OF JESUS COMBINED.



12. LECTURES ON FAITH AS TO THE FOUNDATION OF ALL TRUTH



13. SECTION 85 AS TO THE MOUNTAIN OF FAITH OF GOD THE FATHER.



14. III NEPHI

(FOUND IN CHAPTER 5 THROUGH CHAPTER 14) AS TO THE MIGHTY BLESSINGS OF GOD TO AN ANCIENT PEOPLE OF AMERICA



STEP 1:

STEP 1:

https://youtu.be/VcIU6rEAj_s


STEP 2: 

https://youtu.be/y6afgWYn2QM


I had three Taquitos and Ore-Ida fries tonight, with Pepsi.

STEP 4:

QUESTION TIME

https://youtu.be/2jr1jy_xoo0

For those who believe in 'the Book of True Life' or the 'Third Testament' or think you have a testimony of it, I say to you,


The time for material bread and wine has NOT passed. This is yet another Ishtar deception of the Last Days. The True Elijah Message came in 1929 to W.A. Draves and Otto Fetting. The True Sealed Book is the Book of Mormon. The True Bread and Wine is the material Bread and Wine of the Restructured Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in North America and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints in Brazil in South America.



Also, all spirits shall NOT be saved. All spirits who have blasphemed the Holy Ghost by denying the entire plan of salvation with their eyes open, shall spent all eternity in Gnoalam, forever and ever without end, worlds without end. There is NO salvation for such.

(Mark, I am not referring to the Book of Mormon when I refer to the 'Third Testament'. All who are or were or might be in that heresy know to what I refer.)

Last edited by Admin (12/21/2025 1:01 am)

8.28-THU-PART II

Words of Brent CONT'D:

Close-up of various soldiers as they react to noises as their ship is being boarded.



All soldiers crouch facing the end of the hall, taking advantage of what little cover they can.



Suddenly, with a loud hiss and a flash of light, the door explodes BEHIND the rebels. STOMPTROOPERS enter, blaster rifles blazing. The pitiful, misguided rebels do not have a chance!



Soon, bodies of rebels litter the floor. The STOMPTROOPERS move to the side as...



DARTH VACUOUS enters, banging his helmet on the top of the door frame.



DARTH VACUOUS is in all black leather armour. Embossed on his chest is a large "D" and he wears a black cape. His helmet, designed to stike fear into the heart of all who see him, has a faceplate with a smile that is almost a grimmace (think Jack Napier's Joker from Batman).



SC 04 EXT. SPACECRAFT IN SPACE



The Imperial craft has easily overtaken the Rebel Blockade Runner. The smaller Rebel ship is being drawn into the-



GL: WAIT ONE GEE-DARN MINUTE HERE! The ship's already been BOARDED!



study3600: Well, I needed to introduce the robots and I figured-



GL: Excuses, excuses! Now, I do beleive Princess Lee is putting a message into Artoo at this moment, so...



SC 05 INT. REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER



A woman's hand puts a floppy disk into an opening in Artoo's dome.



STINKY-O stands in a hallway, somewhat bewildered (his name had been C-THRUME earlier but he had had it changed through court). Artoo is nowhere in sight. The pitiful screams of the doomed Rebellious soldiers can be heard in the distance.



STINKY-O (to himself): At least it's not me. (shouting): Artoo! Where are you?



Artoo comes to him obediently.



STINKY-O: Where have you been?! I'm about ready to blow a gasket worrying over your metal a**! Anyways, listen: They're headed in this di-rection! If they find us, they will crush us, burn us, grind us into tiny pieces, and blast us into oblivion!



Suddenly, Artoo takes off down the cooridor.



STINKY-O: That's just like you! You disappear, and when I finally find you, you go taking off again! Damn you!



SC 06 INT. REBELLIOUS BLOCKADE RUNNER- COORIDOR



The semi evil Darth Vacuous stands amid the broken and twisted bodies of the hopeless Rebel shmucks. He grabs a wounded Rebellious officer by the neck (with his hand?) as an Imperious officer rushes up to the Insufficiant light Lord. (sorry, Mott Kadams- I couldn't resist.)



OFFICER: The Deadly Star plans are not in the main computer.



VACUOUS: Why the hell WOULD they be? These Rebel types aren't stupid.



WOUNDED REBEL: Why, thanks.



VACUOUS: That WASN'T in your defense! Dammit, officer! NEVER let me say something like that again!



OFFICER: If you do, I'll whack you.



VACUOUS: Something like that, I suppose.



Whack



VACUOUS: That's NOT what I meant. Go away! (To Captain Antilles): Where are those transmissions you intercepted?



Vacuous lifts the rebel off his feet by his throat.



VACUOUS: What have you done with those plans?



ANTILLES: Which question do you want me to answer first?



VACUOUS: **** you, Rebel Scum! Where are the G****** plans?



REBEL: We intercepted no transmissions! Aaah....This is a consular ship. We're on a diplomatic mission!



VACUOUS: If this is a consular ship, then where are the ambassadors?



IMPERIOUS COMMANDER: Ve Shvot sem.



VACUOUS: What?! All this work to find out who the leader was and you SHOT him?



COMMANDER: Well, you ordered me to.. and Ah...you...then...well...



VACUOUS: YOU IMBECILE!



COMMANDER: I...you...ah...Heil Hitler!



He runs out.



VACUOUS realizes that the man whose neck is in his grip is already dead and lets him slump to the floor.



VACUOUS: Commander!



He sheepishly comes back in.



VACUOUS: Tear this ship apart until you've found those plans, and bring me the passengers; I WANT THEM ALIVE!





SC 07 INT. REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER



Princess Lee, shackeled and clothing in tatters, is brought before the Semi-Evil Not-so-Dark Lord.



DARTH VACUOUS: Commander, what happened to her clothes?



COMMANDER: Um, well... (looking shiftily around) Apparently, there was a misunderstanding when your orders were relayed, sir. The troops tried to tear the prisoner apart bit by bit.



PRINCESS LEE: Darth Vacuous...Only you could be so semi-evil. The congress, um, senate, will not sit still for this...



Whack



DARTH VACUOUS: You weren't on any run to Taco Bell this time! You are part of the Rebel Dance Troop and a traitor! Take her away!



Troops start to take Princess one way down the hall, find it's a dead end and take her back the other way. Last STOMPTROOPER slips on body of rebel and falls.



COMMANDER: (in bad lip-synch) Holding her is dangerous...



DARTH VACUOUS: The senate does not concern me.



COMMANDER: No, it's just that in addition to being the All-Drained modern dance champion, Princess Lee is also related to the legendary warrior Bloose Lee. I don't know if it is safe for anyone to hold her.



DARTH VACUOUS: Leave that to me.



SC 08 PATOOTIE-POWER STATION-DAY



One man is watching two younger guys playing Pac Man. A young couple are making out on a desk.



MARCUS STREETWALKER: Hey, shape it up you guys!



BIC LIGHTER: Hey kid!



STREETWALKER: Bic, when did you get here? Hey everyone, there's a big space battle going on outside.



Everyone stares at him stupidly.



WHACK



BIC: Don't worry about it kid. This scene is gonna be cut from film anyway.



SC 09 INT. BLOCKADE RUNNER-HALL



Another Imperious Officer rushes up to DARTH VACUOUS.



SECOND OFFICER: Lord Vacuous, the battle station plans are not aboard this ship! And no transmissions were made. An escape pod was jettisoned during the fighting, but no life-forms were aboard.



Vacuous turns to his commander, but no scene showing the droids getting into the pod was featured.

Imagine Stinky-O reluctantly getting in at the persistance of R2.



VACUOUS: She must have hidden the plans in the escape-pod, but no life forms are aboard. Send a detachment down to

retrieve it, but no-



GL: Cut it out, will you?



VACUOUS: There will be no one to stop us this-time! But no-



Whack



VACUOUS: Sorry.



SC 10 EXT. PATOOTIE - DESERT-DAY



The abandoned escape pod lies in the distance. The two droids, Stinky-O and Artoo Detour (HA! I changed his name!) are walking through the sand.



STINKY-O: What a desolate place this is.



DETOUR: Fleeble deeble deep.



STINKY-O: What makes you think there are settlements in that direction?



DETOUR: Wacka wooka choo.



STINKY-O: What do you mean we've been here before?



DETOUR: Flickle d i c k le do.



STINKY-O: I've had just about enough of your continuity issues.



Whack



STINKY-O: (cont'd) Go that way. You'll be captured by short aliens within a day, you stupid piece of American-made crap.





SC 11 EXT-PATOOTIE-DAY



STINKY-O walks and walks endlessly. He seems to keep passing the same cactus every hour or so. In fact, the same krayt dragon can be seen roaring in the distance every hour or so, too, as well as the SAME giant skeletal ribcage. STINKY-O heads sideways from his current position so as to change his surroundings. It turns out that he is trapped in an endless sphere that he has no hope of escaping.





He wakes up. It is a cold desert night; he had been sleeping under a rock protrusion.



STINKY-O: Yaaawn. Oh, my joints are almost frozen.








 

8.28-THU-PART IV

Words of Brent CONT'D


BEEN: I don't need your help! Just give it here.



MARCUS hands it to him.



BEEN (CONT'D): This...is a Jedi Brightsabre..not as clumsy or random as a blaster...an elegant weapon, from a more civilized day.



MARCUS: It's not a 'Jedis only' weapon! In the early artwork of this movie, Stomptroopers carried them...and in the book-



Whack



BEEN: Shut up! Now after the conference scene, we'll go to Most Easy and gamble a while.





SC 20 INT. DEADLY STAR -- CONFERENCE ROOM



Eight Imperious senators and generals sit around a conference table. Imperious Stomptroopers stand guard around the room. Commander Taggetooten, a young, slimy-looking(really-the script says that!)general, is speaking.



TAGGETOOTEN: Until this battlestation is FULLY operational, we are vernibable - ver - in - damn - vincible! The Rebellion of Rebels is too well-equipped. They're more dangerous than you realize.



The bitter Admiral Mottle, the voice of arrogance, twists in his chair. He unwinds and says:



MOTTLE: Dangerous to your starfleet, Commander, not to this battlestation.



TAGGETOOTEN: The Rebellious Rebellion of Rebels will continue to gain a support in the Imperious Senate as long as-



Suddenly all heads turn as the Grand Moth Tarpin, holding a long leather leash with Darth Vacuous on the other end, enters.



TARPIN: The Imperious Senate will no longer be of any concern to us (though the younger audience would be confused by this- Isn't the Imperious Senate part of, you know, the Imperium?). I've just received word that the Umpire has dissolved the council into a sticky liquid goo permanently. The last remnants of the Old Republic have been swept away.



TAGETOOTEN: That's impossible! How will the Umpire maintain control without the bureaucracy?



TARPIN: The regional governors now have direct control over their territories. They can make holidays, declare civil war, no one cares what they do! We burned every record of them, including the public archives building. I hear that one governor declared 'National Gungan Slaughter week.'

Fear will keep the LOCAL systems in line.



VACUOUS: I find your lack of faith disturbing.



TARPIN: Not yet, Vac!



VAC: Sorry.



TARPIN: Fear of this battlestation.



TAGGETOOTEN: And what of the Rebellers? If the Rebels have obtained a complete technical readout of this battlestation, it is possible, however unlikely, that they could find a small exhaust port that would just happen to lead to the main reactor! Yes, they might find a weakness and accomplishment it.



TARPIN: Accomplishment it?



TAGGETOOTEN: I looked in a thesaurus for a longer way to say 'exploit'.



TARPIN: Context, you fool! Context!



VACUOUS: The plans you refer to will soon be back in our hands.



TARPIN: Everyone here is either too arrogant or too pessimistic. It's a wonder the Imperium is as strong as it is!



study3600: This scene is boring me half to death. Get on with it!



MOTTLE: Any attack made by the Rebels against this station would be a useless signal!



TARPIN: Signal?



MOTTLE: You know, instead of 'gesture'.



VACUOUS: Don't be too high-minded of this applied scienceological fright you have erected. The talent to undo a Wandering Star is inimportant beside to the force of the Force!



TARPIN strokes his proboscis in annoyance and fumes.



MOTTLE: Don't try to terrify us with your Wizard's ways, King Dense. Your melancholy devotion to that elder faith has not given you-



VACUOUS: I find your lack of Dogma disturbing.



MOTTLE is lifted out of his seat and SLAMMED into the Conference room ceiling again and again.



TARPIN (Fully unfurling his wings and standing to his full height): ENOUGH OF THIS! Vacuous, release him!....NOW!



VACUOUS: As you hope.



MOTTLE falls to the top of the Conference Room Table with A THUD.



TARPIN: And I want every Thesaurus in this station burned. Now Lord Vacuous will have those plans back in our hands by the time this station is fully operational. We will then crush the Rebellion with one-



VACUOUS: -Expedious Caress!



TARPIN: Whatever the hell.


SCENE 21 EXT-PATOOTIE- DAY



A burning vehicle is out the middle of nowhere with dead Javas (coffee drinking desert dwellers) strewn about.



MARCUS: Looks like the Sandpoopies did this. There's a tire tool, a log chain and a 12 gage shotgun.



BEEN-THERE: No this was the work of Imperious Stomptroopers, Sandpoopies would have left empty beer cans everywhere and cut donuts in the sand with their pickups.



R2 starts a fire with a miniature flame thrower. See-Stinky-O drops a Java into the fire. The Java promptly jumps up and runs off across the desert, with his robes aflame.



JAVA: UTINIEEEEEEEE



MARCUS: Hey these are the Javas that I got the droids from. Find another live one, I want a refund!



EXT. SPACE



Imperious BOWTIES race toward the DEADLY STAR.



SC 22 INT. DEADLY STAR-DETENTION CELL



Princess Lee is playing with her Barbie dolls, when suddenly, Darth Vacuous enters, followed by a black machine. Considering Darth Vacuous IS a black machine, maybe there was a better way of saying that.



VAC: And now, your Highness, we shall dialogue about the whereabouts of your secret hidden Rebel hideout.



LEE: You will never make me talk!



A stomptrooper grabs one of her feet and straps it to a little table extended from the robot.



VAC: Oh yes, you will. We have ways of making you chat.



A feather extends to Lee's foot, and starts tickling it.



LEE: You should - he he - know that - ha - hehe - I would - hoohoohoo - never - ha-ha-ha - consciously - tee-hee-hee - wooh-hah-hah - betray the - wah-hoo - oh stop - ha - re - re - re - re - hoo-hoo - bell - hahahahoooo - ion - ooh - please stop - ha ha - he....



Vacuous makes a gesture with him fingers, stepping foward. Lee starts gasping.



VAC: I find your lack of-



TROOP#2: Oh, please, not again.



With that, Vac starts choking troop#2



TROOP#3: Enough of this! Vac, release him!



Vac starts choking troop#3



Now, with Vac trying to choke three people at once, Han Solo enters, blaster drawn.



HAN: Now you can't block my blaster bolts or pull my gun away!



Han is suddenly staring into the nozzle of Greedo's blaster.



GREEDO: Oota Goota, Solo?



HAN: What the hell did you just say?



study3600: Hold on, people, one scene at a time, one movie at a time! You'll all get your chances!



GL: I'm with study.



Anyway, next scene.





SC 23 EXT WAISTLANDS OF PATOOTIE-DAY



Marcus and Been-There throw bodies of Javas onto bonfire. every so often, one of the Java gets up and runs off screaming.



MARCUS: I want to come with you to All-Drained. I want to get drunk and hit on Pricess Lee.



Whack



BEEN-THERE: What did I tell you about leaving your twin sister alone?



Whack



VOICE OF YOGURT: Not yet, I told you!



BEEN-THERE: (mumbling) Fr*****' Muppet...



SC 24 EXT PATOOTIE-DAY



Long shot of speeder with BEEN-THERE, MARCUS and droids. Speeder glides past camera from left to right, a few moments later, the speeder glides past, right to left. Everyone in speeder is gesticulating wildly.





SC 25 EXT PATOOTIE-DAY



MARCUS and BEEN-THERE stand on bluff overlooking city.



BEEN-THERE: MOST EASY Spaceport... You'll never find a higher concentration of cross-dressers and drag queens in the galaxy. We must be cautious.



MARCUS: Why?



Whack



SC 26 EXT-PATOOTIE -A STREET IN MOST EASY



MARCUS' speeder is stopped by a STOMPTROOPER.



STOMPTROOPER: Let me see your identification.



BEEN-THERE: (makes small gesture with hand) You don't need to see his identification.



STOMPTROOPER: I...don't need to look at your ID card.



BEEN-THERE: (irritated) These aren't the droids you're looking for.



STOMPTROOPER: uh, we know these aren't the droids.



BEEN-THERE: (getting really angry) He can go about his business.



STOMPTROOPER: Um, uh...



BEEN-THERE pulls script out from under the speeders dashboard and throws it at STOMPTROOPER.






 

8.28-THU-Part VI

Words of Brent CONT'D

Chunky starts laughing, too. Hands shoots him a betrayed look.



HANDS: Traitor.



SC 34 EXT. DOCKING PORT ENTRY - ALLEYWAY



Marcus, Been, and the droids walk down the alley towards the entrance, where Chunkalunk waits for them.



BEEN: If the ship's as fast as he's boasting, we ought to do well.



Whack



BEEN: Hey!



MARCUS: (snickering) Been waiting to do that.



Behind the group, the Sith probe droid- I mean, the darkly-clad figure steps aside and begins speaking into a comlink.



SC 35 INT. MOST EASY SPACEPORT - DOCKING BAY 94



Chunkalunk leads the group down a set of stairs, where the Millennium Fountain sits. Rust covers every surface, and several components are held together by bungee cords.



MARCUS: What a piece of junk!



HANDS: She'll make point five past lightspeed.



Been-There stares at Hands.



HANDS: Well, point four.



Been-There keeps staring.



HANDS: Look, speed's not important, all right? She's got it where it counts.



MARCUS: And where is that?



HANDS: Look, we're a little pressed for time, so why don't you all get aboard?



Marcus, Been, the droids, and Chunkalunk enter the Fountain. Hands waits until they've all gotten onto the ship. Glancing around to make sure no one's watching him, he puts on his glasses and looks at the Fountain.



HANDS: Augh! Man, it is a piece of junk!



Shaking his head, Hands takes off his glasses and heads for the ship. As he's halfway up the ramp, it suddenly slams shut, throwing Hands inside.



SC 36 INT. MILLENIUM FOUNTAIN - ENTRY RAMP



Marcus and Been stare curiously at Hands, lying on the floor where the ramp threw him.



BEEN: Having problems with your ramp?



Hands stands up, trying to act casual.



HANDS: No. No problems. Why?



SC 37 INT. MILLENNIUM FOUNTAIN



Chunky hits his head on the dice and settles into the pilot's chair, starting up the mighty engines of the starship. A hideous wheezing sound comes from the aft end of the ship and a loud metallic clank is heard. Chunky moans in frustration.



SC 38 EXT. DOCKING BAY 42



The Fountain's main ramp lowers six inches, stops, rattles, and abruptly falls the rest of the way to the ground. Hands rushes down the ramp and over to the engines of the ship, hurriedly picking one up off the ground and reattaching it with some bungie cords taken from a pocket on his vest. Marcus, Been, and the droids stare.



HANDS: It's . . . uh . . . a minor design flaw. No real threat at all.



At about this point a squad of stomptroopers followed by the Sith probe dr

Whack

followed by the mysterious alien run in and start blasting everything in sight -- except, curiously enough, the Fountain.



HANDS: ****! Get aboard! Get aboard!



Been, Marcus, and the droids hustle up the ramp. One of the struts bends slightly. Hands pulls out his blaster and returns fire, backing up the ramp. Unfortunately, his aim is as bad as the stomptroopers', and he eventually gives up and runs up the ramp, which slams shut again before he can make it all the way up.



The engines roar and the Fountain lifts gracefully off its support struts. Suddenly, the engines cough, and then stall completely. The Fountain slams back down onto the ground.



SC 39 INT. MILLENIUM FOUNTAIN - COCKPIT



Chunky glares at Hands.



HANDS: Sorry, too much clutch.



SC 40 EXT. MOST EASY SPACEPORT - DOCKING BAY 94



The engines roar back to life, and the Fountain lifts off again. With a loud backfire that sends out a cloud of black exhaust, the Fountain begins climbing toward space.



SC 41 EXT. SPACE - PATOOTIE



The starship climbs away from the planet.



SC 42 INT. MILLENIUM FOUNTAIN - COCKPIT



Chunky points something out on the radar scope.



HANDS: An Imperious Cruiser? Man, I knew I should have stayed in bed this morning. Activate the shields.



Chunky flips the switch for the deflector shields. A huge explosion rocks the Fountain.



HANDS: You did finish wiring those shields, didn't you?



Chunky whines. Hands reaches under his seat and pulls out a rolled-up newspaper, which he hits Chunky with.



HANDS: Bad Cookiee! No treat! Bad Cookiee!



Chunky looks at Hands with big puppy-dog eyes.



HANDS: Aww. I can't stay mad at you.



A volley of laser fire from the Imperious ship batters the unshielded Fountain.



HANDS: Yes, I can! (he hits Chunky again) Bad Cookiee!



SC 43 EXT. SPACE - PATOOTIE



The Millennium Fountain races away from the desert planet, followed by two huge Imperious ships.



SC 44 INT. MILLENIUM FOUNTAIN - COCKPIT



Marcus and Been enter the cramped cockpit, where Hands and Chunky are busy working with the nav computer.



HANDS: There's two more of them coming in, they're going to try to cut us off.



Whack



HANDS: Hey!



BEEN: There's no need to state the obvious.



MARCUS: Why don't you outrun them? I thought you said this thing was fast.



HANDS: You bought that? Boy, you'll believe anything you hear, won't you?



SC 45 EXT. SPACE - PATOOTIE



The Imperious ships open fire on the Millenium Fountain.



SC 46 INT. MILLENIUM FOUNTAIN - COCKPIT



HANDS: This is where the fun begins.



BEEN: (sarcastically) You know, there's this thing called a hyperdrive, it makes the ship go really fast. Maybe you've heard of it?



HANDS: Back off, okay? It'll take the computer a few more minutes to get the coordinates.



MARCUS: What the hell kind of computer are you using, a Commodore 64?



HANDS: Traveling through hyperspace ain't like... uh... look, it's really tough, okay? We can't jump until that readout says, 'Course laid in'.



He points at a computer monitor. Been and Marcus look at it.



MARCUS: It does say 'Course laid in'.



HANDS: It does?



He squints and looks closer at the monitor.



HANDS: (cont'd) Hey, it does! All right, we're making the jump!



He pulls a lever. Nothing happens. He squints, looks at the controls, and pulls a different lever. The stars elongate into streaks.



SC 47 EXT. SPACE - PATOOTIE



The Millenium Fountian zooms to infinity in less than a second, except for several pieces of the hull that break off.



SC 48 EXT. DEADLY STAR



All-drained looms behind the Deadly Star battle station.



SC 49 INT. DEADLY STAR - CONTROL ROOM - CORRIDOR



Governor Tarpin stands before the huge wall screen displaying all-access Playboy, drooling and slobbering worse than a Hutt in a seizure. Vacuous and two stormtroopers march Princess Lee toward the control room. Governor Tarpin jumps in surprise and quickly changes the channel back to the viewscreen.



MOTTLE: We've entered the All-drained system.



TARPIN: Umm, Right! So we have! Yes! *blushes*



Vacuous and two stormtroopers enter with Princess Lee. Her hands are bound and her hair is falling out of the large curlers in her hair, spilling over her bright-pink robe and matting in her green facial mask.



LEE: This better be damn good! I haven't had my coffee yet! (looks over at Tarpin) Oh, it's you. I should have expected to find you holding Vacuuous by the short hairs. I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board.



TARPIN: Er, actually that would be Vacuuous you would be smelling. Boy hasn't had a shower since he was placed in that metal suit. We tried turning the hose on him, but poor boy nearly short circuited! *ahem* Anywas, you don't know how hard I found it signing the order to terminate your life.



LEE: (under her breath) Yes, I can see how hard it was for you to stop pleasuring yourself to pick up the pen.



Whack



TARPIN: I heard that!



LEE: Anyways, I'm surprised you had the courage to take the responsibility yourself!



TARPIN: Princess Lee, before your execution, I would like you to be my guest at a ceremony that will make this battle station fully operational-



LEE: Cool!! I get to smash a bottle of champagne into the side?



TARPIN: Err, no-



LEE: I get to cut the ribbon??



VACUOUS: *whining* Heyyy! You said I could cut the ribbon!



Whack

Whack



TARPIN: Quiet, both of you! Gods, a man can't even think for himself on this damned battlestation! Ahem, Princess Lee, in a way, you have determined the choice of the planet that'll be destroyed first. Since you are reluctant to provide us with the location of the Rebel base, I have chosen to test this station's destructive power . . . on your home planet of All-drained.



LEE: Hmph. Okay.



TARPIN: . . . what??



LEE: Blow the damned planet up, I don't care!



All officers share a confused look. Vacuous just shrugs his shoulders.



TARPIN: Umm, I don't believe that was the response I was looking for.



LEE: (sighs testily) Is this what you were looking for? (keeping a defiant look in her eyes, she gives a fake pout) Oh Boo-Hoo! No, Mr. Scary-Man, don't blow up All-drained! All-drained is peaceful. We have no weapons!



Suddenly, explosions rock the station as hundreds of ground-based batteries open fire on the Deadly Star.



LEE: Except for those. Sorry, I forgot to mention those.



The viewscreen shows forty X-wings launching from the planet, heading for the Deadly Star.



LEE: And those. Well, look, we're still peaceful, all right? (gets theatrical) You can't possibly! (throws her hand over her forehead and leans back against Vacuous)



TARPIN: Aha! At last I have you at my mercy!



LEE: (expression turning sour again) You wish! Okay, look, the coordinates are 34,21, 36. If you fire at a negative angle, you should be able to blow the whole damned thing up in one shot.



TARKIN and VACUOUS look at each other speculatively.





LEE: (hands on her hips) What?? You want the name of the rebel base too?? Dantooine. (repeats it letter by letter) D a n t o o i n e. Not to be confused wit 'Tatooine', although I wouldn't give a care if you blew them both up!



TARPIN: Ummm, yes, well . . . erm . . . you heard the woman! Blow it up!



DEADLY STAR GUNNER: Yes, sir! (a goggle-looking devise drops down as he peers through it, reaching for a joystick as he pressed the button.)



On the screen, a huge beam of light emits from with a cone-shaped area and converges into a single laser beam which completely misses All-Drained.



TARPIN: What the hell?!? You missed the damned planet?!? How could you miss such a large target like that?!?



MOTT's-APPLESAUCE LAUGHS



MOTT'S: What are you, an A******?



GUNNER: Yes. Major A******, sir!



His eyes are stuck crossed.



LEE: You idiots!



LEE grabs the controls to the Deadly Star gun, Aims, and blows the planet up herself.



LEE: Moron!



TARPIN: Put this b**** back in her cell! NOW!



Two Stomptroopers take her away.

SC 50 INT. MILLENIUM FOUNTAIN - CENTRAL HOLD AREA



Been watches Marcus practice with his brightsabre against a tiny seeker robot. Suddenly, Been turns away, putting a hand to his chest. He seems weak.



MARCUS: Are you all right? What's wrong?



BEEN: I sensed a great disturbance in the Force... as if millions of voices had suddenly cried out, "You b****!" and were suddenly silenced. I have a bad feeling about this.



He rubs his forehead, when he notices Marcus is staring at him.



BEEN: What?



MARCUS: That's not the right line. You were supposed to say, 'I fear something terrible has happened.'



BEEN: I like that line better. Hey, I'm the teacher here, remember? Go train some more.



Hands Off enters the room.



HANDS: Well, you can forget your troubles with those Imperious goons. I told you I'd lose 'em.



Marcus continues practicing with his brightsabre. Everyone else is ignoring Hands.



HANDS: Hey, I think I deserve a little gratitude here!



He turns to the chair nearest him.



HANDS: Aren't you going to say anything, old man?



BEEN: Hands? I'm over here. No one's sitting in that chair.



Hands looks closer at the chair, then turns to Been.



HANDS: I knew that.



Stinky-O watches Artoo and Chunky playing holochess. Artoo makes a move, and one of his characters takes out one of Chunky's. Chunky howls in frustration.



STINKY-O: He made a fair move. Screaming about it won't help you.



HANDS: I'd stay out of it if I were you. It's not wise to upset a Cookiee.



STINKY-O: But sir, no one worries about upsetting a droid.



HANDS: That's cause nobody likes droids. We couldn't care less if you get upset. Besides, Cookiee mating rituals consist of playing holo-chess. I never had Chunky neutered, so I'd watch out.



Stink-O glances at Chunky. The Cookiee is wearing a big grin. (And, Stinky-O suddenly realizes, not much else)



STINKY-O: I... see your point, sir. I suggest a new strategy, Artoo. For God's sake, stop playing!



Marcus is practicing with his brightsabre. The seeker droid flies about as Marcus tries to follow its movements.



BEEN: Remember, relax and let the Force flow through you.



Marcus stops and closes his eyes.



MARCUS: (whispering) I can almost feel it...



BEEN: You must completely relax. Release you inhibitions and simply let it flow.



A wet stain suddenly appears on Marcus' trousers. The seeker droid fires, hitting Marcus, who yelps and jumps.



BEEN: Not quite what I had in mind. You were supposed to relax your mind, not your bladder.



HANDS: (laughing) Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.



MARCUS: You don't believe in the Force, do you?



Whack



MARCUS: Ow!



BEEN: I told you not to state the obvious.



HANDS: Look, I still think it's all a bunch of simple tricks and nonsense.



Been makes a small motion with his hand.



HANDS: (in a dull, monotonous voice) Then again, I'm just a loser with thick glasses, a huge debt, a ship that's falling apart, and no friends aside from that furry goon over there, so my pathetic mind is completely unable to comprehend anything more complicated than shooting someone. (he blinks and shakes his head) What did I just say?



BEEN: Oh, nothing important. Here, Marcus. This time, act on instinct.



He pulls out a large helmet and places it on Marcus' head.



MARCUS: (laughing) Who the hell designed this helmet? What good is something you can't see out of?



BEEN: Stop whining and use the Force already.



Marcus attempts to hold off the droid with the helmet on. The droid fires a shot that catches him on the leg.



MARCUS: (angrily) I can't even see in this, how am I supposed to fight?



BEEN: Honestly? You're not supposed to. This isn't actually an exercise, it's hazing. Every Jedi has to go through this.



In a blaze of fury, Marcus whips off the helmet and throws it at the droid. The droid bounces off a wall and flies back to Marcus, who cuts it in half with his brightsabre. He looks with fury at BEEN.



MARCUS: That's what I think of your hazing.



OB-EWAN: Let's just continue with your training, shall we?

SC 51 INT. DEADLY STAR - CONFERENCE ROOM



Imperial Officer Bass enters to stand before Governor Tarkiss and Darth Vacuous.



TARPIN: Yes?



BASS: Our scout ships have reached Dantooine. They found the remnants of a Rebel base, and a note reading, "Nice try, you Imperious goons. Looks like you fell for the oldest trick in the book. There's not actually a base here. Find us if you can. -General Dagnabit, Leader of the secret base on Yahoo! 4."



TARPIN: She lied! She lied to us!



VACUOUS: Well, there was a base there at one point. So what she told us was true- from a certain point of view.



TARPIN: A certain point of view? Damnit, man, she looked right into my face and lied! How will I ever be able to trust her after this?



VACUOUS: Trust her? I thought you were going to kill her.



TARPIN: Excellent idea! I want you to sign the order to terminate her life.



VACUOUS: You... already did that. Remember?



TARPIN: Excellent. Then it's settled.



SC 52 INT. MILLENNIUM FOUNTAIN - COCKPIT



The pirate ship is preparing to drop out of hyperspace.



HANDS: All right, Chunky, here we go. Cut in the sublight engines.



Hands pulls a lever, and the starlines outside the window shrink back into points. Immediately, the Fountain begins rocking back and forth. Asteroids zoom past the ship.



HANDS: What the... Chunky, what's going on?



Chunky growls a confused response. Reluctantly, Hands puts on his glasses and looks out the window.



HANDS: Looks like a meteor shower. Some kind of asteroid collision.



Whack



HANDS: What?





CHUNKY: (subtitled) Haven't you learned yet not to state the obvious?



Marcus and Been enter the bouncing cockpit. Hands quickly snatches off his glasses.



MARCUS: What's going on?



HANDS: Our position is correct, except... no All-drained!



MARCUS: Man, you do have bad eyes! Would you put on your glasses?



HANDS: I DON'T NEED GLASSES!!



BEEN: No, Marcus, he's right. Look, All-drained is gone.



MARCUS: What? No, we must be in the wrong place.



Suddenly, a frozen corpse slams against the cockpit window. He is wearing a uniform that says on the back, 'All-drained Security Force: We have no weapons.'



MARCUS: Okay, maybe we are in the right place. Wait a minute, he's carrying a blaster!



BEEN: Yeah, for some reason, All-drained always insisted that it didn't have any weapons. To tell you the truth, they were all a bunch of gun-toting freaks.



A muffled alarm sounds in the cockpit.



HANDS: There's another ship coming in.



BEEN: It's an Imperious fighter.



An Imperious fighter shoots overhead.



MARCUS: Wow, that's a neat trick. How'd you do that?



BEEN: Little talent I have.



MARCUS: He must have followed us.



BEEN: No, it's a short-range fighter.



The sensors beep as they finish analyzing the ship. It is a short-range Imperious BOWTIE fighter.



MARCUS: Hey, two for two!



BEEN: Yeah, it's the weirdest thing. Whenever someone says something wrong, I automatically correct them by saying the right thing.



MARCUS: Cool. Hands can see perfectly fine.



BEEN: No, he needs his glasses to read anything past the distance of three inches.



HANDS: HEY!



MARCUS: Last Christmas, I got my aunt a hydrospanner set.



BEEN: No, your uncle did, and your aunt threw him out for a week.



MARCUS: That's really neat! Let me think of another one. Oh, I got it! I don't have a chance with that chick in the holo.



Been-There doesn't say anything.



MARCUS: Uh, aren't you going to correct me?



BEEN: Sorry. I'm not getting anything.



MARCUS: Damn.

SC 53 EXT. SPACE



The Millennium Fountain races after the BOWTIE fighter.



INT. MILLENNIUM FOUNTAIN - COCKPIT



HANDS: He's almost in range.



MARCUS: He's heading for that small moon.



BEEN: (casually) No, it's not a moon, it's a space station.



Everyone stops and turns around to look at Been. His eyes widen when he realizes what he's just said.



BEEN: Oh, ****. Turn



SC 54 EXT. SPACE AROUND THE DEADLY STAR



As the battered starship moves closer to the gigantic metal moon, the immense size becomes apparent. There are three circular indentations arranged along the surface, along with a massive curved trench that runs along the lower hemisphere. All together, it looks like a big grey smiley-face.



SC 55 INT. DEADLY STAR - HUGE PORT DOORS



The helpless Millennium Fountain is pulled towards the huge hangar past a control room and several turbolaser batteries.



VOICE OVER DEADLY STAR INTERCOM: The red zone is for arrivals and departures only. Please park in the white zone. La zona roja está para las llegadas y las salidas solamente. Por favor parque en la zona blanca.

SC 56 INT. DEADLY STAR - DOCKING BAY 3.14159



The Fountain is pulled through the entrance to the hangar. Dozens of stomptroopers rush around the hangar. An officer approaches the Fountain and raises a megaphone.



OFFICER: We have you surrounded! Land the ship immediately, and come out with your hands up!



With one last sputter, the engines die, and the Fountain slams down onto the hangar floor, barely missing the officer.



OFFICER: Now come out of there!



Nothing happens. In frustration, the officer kicks the nearest support strut. It breaks off, and the ship falls on top of him.



STOMP 1: Think we should try to get him out from under there?



STOMP 2: Eh.



SC 57 INT. DEADLY STAR - CONFERENCE ROOM



Tarpin responds to a buzz from the intercom.



TARPIN: Yes?



VOICE OVER INTERCOM: We've captured a... thing... entering the All-drained system.



TARPIN: A thing? You mean a ship?



VOICE: (hesitant) I suppose you could call it that... to tell you the truth, it could just be a piece of debris.



TARPIN: What do you mean?



VOICE: Look, you really got to see this for yourself.



VACUOUS: I'll go, I got nothing better to do.



SC 58 INT DEADLY STAR-LRGE HANGAR BAY



Darth Vacuous stands near the Millenium Bug and looks around as if searching for something unseen...



VACUOUS: I sense something... Good God, what is that smell!?!



STOMPTROOPERS look around sheepishly.



DECK OFFICER: Sorry my lord, the cafeterias were only serving beans today.



VACUOUS: I can't believe this stench is getting through my respirator!



DECK OFFICER(turning green): Yes Sir, it is quite horrendous.



Several STOMPTROOPERS pass out and fall to the floor. A scanning crew carrying a large box nears the ship. The cover their nose in disgust.



DECK OFFICER: I want every part of this ship checked.



SC 59 INT. MILLENNIUM FOUNTAIN - HALLWAY



A trooper strides through the hallway with a rifle in his hands. He exits the ship, banging his head against the hull on the way out. There is a moment of silence, and suddenly several sections of the floor pop up. Marcus, Been and Hands stick their heads out.



MARCUS: (whining) Why'd you guys stick me in the compartment with the Cookiee? Man, this thing smells!



HANDS: At least we calmed him down first.



Chunky sticks his head out of one of the compartments. There is a syringe sticking out of his neck, and he is babbling in Cookieespeak.



MARCUS: It's a good thing you had those sedatives.



HANDS: They're tranquilizers, kid. Chunky gets a little riled sometimes, I need to keep those around. This is ridiculous. Even if we could take off, we'd never get past the tractor beam.



They all look at Been.



BEEN: Ohhh, no! I'm getting too old for this stuff. One of you can do it.



MARCUS: Come on, Been, we need to rescue the princess.



BEEN: Why? That little snot blew up her own planet!



MARCUS: Because it's in the script.



HANDS: Damn fool, I knew you were going to say that.



BEEN: Who's the bigger fool, the fool, or the fool who follows him, or the fool who follows him?



MARCUS: What about the fool who follows him?



BEEN: You mean the fool who follows the fool who is following the fool who is following the fool? Hmmm. I suppose he would be more foolish.



MARCUS: So what you're saying is... there's always a bigger fool?



GHOST OF LI-GON: Damn! Why didn't I think of that one?



SC 60 INT. DEADLY STAR - MAIN FORWARD BAY



Two stomptroopers are posted next to the ramp leading into the Millennium Fountain. Suddenly, Been walks out of the ship.



TROOP 1: Halt! What are you doing here?



BEEN: (waving his hand) You will come inside the ship and take off your armor.



TROOPERS: We will come inside the ship and take off our armor.



Two crewmen approach the ship carrying a heavy box.



CREWER: Hey! What's going on here? We're supposed to scan this ship!



BEEN: (waving his hand) You already scanned it. There wasn't anything aboard.



CREWERS: Oh, wait, we already scanned this ship. There wasn't anything aboard.



Darth Vacuous walks in, grumbling.



VACUOUS: Has anyone seen my keys? I seem to have dropped them- McNobi!



BEEN: ****! (waving his hand) You didn't see me.



VACUOUS: (in a hesitant voice) I... didn't see... you.



BEEN: (sweating from the effort) You left your keys somewhere else.



VACUOUS: I must have left my keys in my other armor. I'll go check it now.



He leaves. Marcus sticks his head out of the Foutain.



MARCUS: Been, what the hell's taking so long?



BEEN: This is tougher than it looks, all right?



A voice suddenly crackles over one of the stomptrooper's commsets.



VOICE OVER TROOPER COMM: TK-421, what the **** is going on down there?! Who's that old guy?



BEEN: (waving his hand) There is no old man.



VOICE: Never mind, I was wrong. There isn't any old man down there. But what's that blond kid doing?



BEEN: Oh, to hell with it!



Been whips out his brightsabre and slices the troopers and crewmen in half. He looks up at the control room and pinches his fingers. There is a choked gasp from the comm, then silence.



BEEN: Come on, let's go.


SC 61 INT. DEADLY STAR - FORWARD BAY - COMMAND OFFICE



Marcus and Hands, dressed as stomptroopers, enter along with Been, Chunky, and the droids. Hands closes the door, then rips off his helmet and glares at Been.



HANDS: 'I'll use the Force,' he says. Great idea, old man! You nearly got us caught!



BEEN: Hey, even Jedi have bad days.



HANDS: We board an Imperious battle station, and everyone gets delusions of grandeur.



MARCUS: Y'know, between his howling and your blasting its any wonder that no one in the station doesnt know were here



HANDS: Shut the **** up wussy boy, your old man here was actin like Ob-Ewan from the TPM humorous version a little while go getting us in this joint, so dont catch no attitude with me. Besides i prefer a fair fight to all this sneaking around



MARCUS: Then whats the point of you trying to avoid Pizza the Hutt back on Patootie, if you " prefer a fair fight ?"



EVERYONE LOOKS AT HANDS FOR A GOOD MINUTE



HANDS( looking away from everyone ): I'll...uh... get back to you on that one, but we need to get out of here



ARTOO DETOO IS SCANNNING THE COMPUTER TO FIND THE TRACTOR BEAM SWITCH AS HE DISCOVERS IT. IT IS APPARENT THAT BEEN MUST BE THE ONE TO GO ON THIS ALL BUT IMPORTANT SUICIDE MISSION.



BEEN: I dont think you sorry excuse for heroes can help me on this. I must go alone.

stay here



HANDS: No problem with me old man



MARCUS: But I can come and help you ....



BEEN: Marcus , pleeeeese stop your whining. getting on my nerves with that ****,for real. Stay and see these droids safely to all drained, if we should fail,then other star systems that fall pray to the imperious forces will pray for you demise on every level. And if they know that i was involved in your foul ups, then i wont hear the end of it in the after life. ask my late master, believe me, he'll tell you.



BEEN TOUCHES THE DOOR THAT OPENS QUICKLY WHICH SHOWS THE LARGE AND SURPRISINGLY EMPTY CORRIDORS WITH NO GUARDS PATROLLING IN SIGHT.



BEEN: Your destiny lies on a different path young mind.



MARCUS: Really, what is it ?



BEEN: Whats is what ?



MARCUS: Destiny.



BEEN: Whose destiny ?



MARCUS: Mines.



BEEN: What about it ?



MARCUS (clearly fustrated at this point ): What path does my destiny lie on ?



BEEN AND MARCUS STARE AT EACH OTHER FOR A GOOD MINUTE WITHOUT BLINKING.....



BEEN: How the **** should I know, I'm only speaking rhetorically..



MARCUS: Thats all you ve been doing ever since I've known you. you never give straight answer to questions, you allways have a bad feeling about something, How did you become a Jedi Knight anyway ? You speak in stupid a** riddles that makes absolutely no type of sense.....



BEEN: Marcus...all I said was that I didn't know what path your destiny lies. That was said to make you reflect on a something that you must do that is bigger than following me, To follow a path that, even though uncertain, will bring you great rewards if you are brave and fearless in your struggle against evil.



ARTOO DETOO : BEEP, WHISTLE, BEEP, BEEP, SQUARKK, TOOT, TOOT ( Damn, that **** was deeeeeep )



BEEN: Do you understand what it is I'm saying, Marcus ?



MARCUS : WHAT?



BEEN: Exactly... The force with be with you... always.



BEEN WALKS OUT OF THE DOOR AND THE DOOR CLOSES EVEN FASTER, CHUNKY GIVES A GROWL IN RESPONSE TO THAT LONG BORING SPEECH..



HANDS: Yeah, you said it Chunky. Where did



SUDDENLY THE DOOR OPENS UP...



BEEN: And remember Marcus, when all else fails... There's allways a bigger fish .



AFTER WHICH THE DOORS SLAMS BACK SHUT



HANDS: Where did you dig up that old fossil?!



MARCUS: Been is a great man..he may not have a complete grasp of the concept of Jedi's with common sense, but at least he's brave and fearless. He's probably right now, even as we speak, putting together a plan to foil the plans of the bad guys......



SC 62 INT DEADLY STAR-HANGAR BAY 384



IN ANOTHER SEPERATE SCENE, WE SEE THE " BRAVE AND FEARLESS " BEEN DOING WHAT " BRAVE AND FEARLESS " MEN DO BEST...





BEEN: ( INSIDE THE COCKPIT OF A TIE FIGHTER ) Owwww !!!!! G**d***i*, How can you hot wire this thing, I got to get the **** up on out of here. Whining brats, smelly Cookies and retarded nearsighted smugglers is not going to be the death of me. Nosireebob, old been is taking the high road of this Godforsakin rock...



SUDDENLY, A SPIRIT APPEARS IN BACK OF BEEN



LI-GON'GHOST: So you taking the chicken **** way out huh ?



BEEN: I havent the foggiest idea what your talking about



LI-GON'S GHOST: Hmmmmmmm, trying to hot wire an enemies' space craft is not taking the easy way out ?



BEEN: Lets just say that i'm finally realizing that what you said a long time time ago when we was at the Jedi temple has a lot of merit.



LI-GON'S GHOST: And that was...



BEEN: " I must do what I must......



LI-GON'S GHOST: I never thought that I would live ( even though I am actually deceased )to see the day where my Padawan learner would turn into such a punkified, wimpified, homogenized, pasturized, petrified, sissified shell of a jedi knight



BEEN: You dont know what its like to travel with the company that I was with... it was like having four jab jab rinks constantly getting on your last nerves over stupid asinine ****



LI-GON GHOST: Dont center on your anixeties, Ob-Ewan, keep your concentration here and now where it belongs.



BEEN: will you give it a rest, Li-gon ! geez, you been repeating the same stupid lines from TPM even when you've been dead for the past 40 years. Did it ever occure to you that after 40 years of listening to you repeating the same phrases, that I might..oh I dont know....DONT GIVE A **** !!!!!!!!!



LI-GON'S GHOST: And as you dont give a ****, you should always be mindful of the living force, young padawan. That way, you would know that despite the odds against you giving a ****, there's always a bigger fish.



BEEN (slumping to the floor of the ship while sobbing ): Li-Gon, please stop it, I am slowly losing my sanity. Do you have anything worthwhile to say thats not TPM related ?



LI-GON'S GHOST: Only this......



THEY BOTH STARE AT EACH OTHER FOR A GOOD MINUTE WITHOUT BLINKING



LI-GON'S GHOST: ... That I forsee you becoming a great jedi knight..



BEEN: Here we go again....



LI-GON'S GHOST: And that you are a much wiser man than I am..



BEEN: not wise enough to leave when I had the chance, G**d***i*



SC 63 INT. DEADLY STAR - FORWARD BAY - COMMAND OFFICE



MARCUS: Like I said, Been is a great man..



HANDS: Yeah, great into getting us into trouble



MARCUS: Why you stuck up , half witted, scruffy looking,...nerfherder ! Who do you...



ARTOO DETOO INTERRUPTS THE TWO QUARRLING EXCUSE FOR HEROES TO LET THEM KNOW THAT PRINCESS LEE IS HERE ON THE DEATH WISH STAR



MARCUS: The princess she's here



HANDS: Princess, whats going on?



ARTOO DETOO BEEPS AND WHISTLE A SECOND TIME AND STINKY-O RELATES THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE



STINKY-O : The princess is in detetion level....uh...uh... something, something nubian



LI-GONS'S GHOST: Hmmmmmm, where have I heard that before ?



STINKY-O: I'm afraid that shes scheduled to be whacked



MARCUS: Holy ****, we gotta do something



HANDS: Do what, little whining farmers boy?



MARCUS: She's the one in the message , we gotta help her!



HANDS: Is you ****in crazy, bad enough we are trapped in this station without no back up, limited artillary, no food or medical resources, and now you want us to rescue some bimbo who I don't know or had any sex u al contact with....I think not !



MARCUS: You got to be joking



HANDS: Besides, the old man told us to stay right here



MARCUS: Listen, you have been ( no pun intended ) raving about not having enough hard core Steven Segal action to satisfy you, now all you wanna do is stay ?



HANDS: Marching into a detention cell is not my Idea of hard core action...more like suicide



MARCUS: But they're gonna execute her...



MARCUS STARES AT HANDS FOR A GOOD MINUTE HOPING THAT THE VERY WORDS OF DEATH OF AN INNOCENT AND HELPLESS PRINCESS IN MORTAL DANGER WOULD AWAKEN THE HERO WITHIN OUR...WELL... HERO. HANDS NOW TURNS TO MARCUS AND MAKES HIS DARING DECISION KNOWN, A DECISION THAT WILL MARK HANDS DOWN IN THE ANNELS OF HUMAN COURAGE AND VALOR...



HANDS: **** that B**** !!!



MARCUS : WHAT? ? ? ?!!!!



HANDS: You heard me, **** her, I mean, she ain't my woman for me to be risking life and limb over



MARCUS: Oh my God, she's the friggin' princess for crying out loud !!!!



HANDS: And... what has she done for me lately ?



MARCUS SENSING THAT THE ARGUMENT IS ALMOST LOST TURNS TO HIS ACE IN THE HOLE...



MARCUS (whispering in hands ear): She's rich.



CHUNKY LETS OUT A ROAR OF APPROVAL



HANDS : Rich ? you mean this broad got money?



MARCUS: Oh yeah, loads of it.



HANDS: I'm talking about, does this B**** got C.H.C.O.H.



MARCUS: C.H.C.O.H.? Whats that ?



HANDS: Cold Hard Cash On Hand.



MARCUS: Listen, they give rewards for the rescue of a princess



HANDS: How much ?



MARCUS: More wealth than you can imagine



HANDS: If I can imagine having wild, meaningless unprotective sex with Carrie Fisher, I can imagine quite a bit !



MARCUS: You'll get it you greedy mutha****a, I know you want the money. Your life serves no other purpose. I mean can you picture your self as anything else other than a two bit thug and hoodlum ?



HANDS : I can imagine myself as a well respected General of a small rebel alliance one day..



MARCUS ( Laughing hard ): Who told you that lie ?!!



HANDS: You better be right about this. Cause if your not...I will mop up the floor with your monkey a** my damn self. Okay kid, what's your plan.



MARCUS : Ummmm



MARCUS REACHES OVER TO GRAB A PAIR OF SnM CUFFS, A WHIP, AND SOME KY JELLY AND WALKS OVER TO CHUNKY...



MARCUS: Okay, now I'm gonna put this on you..



CHUNKY LETS A FIERCE SNARL AT MARCUS FOR EVEN THINKING ALONG THOSE LINES



MARCUS: Uhhh errrr, 0okay, Hands, you put these on him



HANDS: Marcus, I'm insulted at you even thinking I get down like that



HE TAKES THE CUFFS AND PUTS IT ON CHUNKY



HANDS: Dont worry chunky, I think I know what he has in mind



STINKY-O : Sir i dont think it would be too much trouble to ask what should we do if Artoo and I are discovered



MARCUS: Lock the door



HANDS: And hope that they don't have blasters



STINKY-O: Thats it ? Nothing else ?



HANDS ( Looking at Stinky-o with a surprised expression ): Yeah ! That's it... what the **** you think you was gonna do.



STINKY-O : Well.. I ..could defend my self y'know.



MARCUS: You got to be kidding me. With what? your fluency in over six million forms of communication ? what the **** is you talking about.



STINKY-O: Listen, Im not sitting here waiting to be blown to hell while you sorry sons of jawas try to rescue a woman who has not the least bit of attraction for either of you..... Literally.



HANDS: Well, regardless of anything, you cant even make love to a woman anyway!



STINKY-O : For your information, I happen to be fully functional in that area, thank you very much!



MARCUS: Whatever!



HANDS: My point exactly .



MARCUS( Scratches his hair ): I dont get it.


HANDS: When you become a bona fide sex symbol like myself... you will.



THEY BOTH LEAVE THE ROOM





SC 64 INT. DEADLY STAR - DETENTION AREA



Marcus and Hands march through the Deadly Star, trying to look inconspicuous. Several crewers throw curious glances at Chunky, whose hands are bound. After a short wait, an elevator arrives. The trio steps in.



HANDS: I can't see a thing in this helmet!



MARCUS: Maybe you should put on your glasses.



HANDS: For the last time, I don't need glasses!



The elevator door closes, cutting off Chunky's muffled laughter.



INT. DEADLY STAR - MAIN HALLWAY



Several stomptroopers walk in formation down the hallway. After they pass, Been sticks his head out from behind a column. Stealthily, he makes his way unseen through the battle station. He quickly ducks out of sight as the menacing figure of Darth Vacuous appears in the hallway. Vacuous passes by, oblivious to Been's presence. Suddenly, the old man slips out of concealment and lightly touches Vacuous' back. The Sith Lord whirls about, but Been has already slipped back into hiding. Confused, Vacuous continues walking. As he passes the camera, we can see that Been stuck a piece of paper to Vacuous' cape saying, "KICK ME"



IMPERIOUS STATION- DETENTION PRISONER CELL ELEVATOR



HANDS: Y'know kid, i dont think this is gonna work



MARCUS: Why didnt you say that before



HANDS: I did say this before



MARCUS SHRUGGS HIS SHOULDERS AND AWAITS THE ARRIVAL OF THE DESTINATED FLOOR. THE DOOR SOON OPENS AND OUT STEPS OUR SORRY SONS OF JAWAS READY TO RESCUE OUR FAIR MAIDEN...



A OFFICER (WHO IS LOOKING AT A CONTROL PANEL) LOOKS AT THE RATHER LARGE COOKIE IN CUFFS WITH A KEEN INTEREST



OFFICER: Where are you taking this... thing ?



MARCUS: Prisoner being transfered from cell block 1148.



OFFICER: I wasnt notified...I have to clear it



MARCUS: I dont think that is a good idea ..sir



OFFICER: Why



HANDS: Because these orders came directly from the commander himself



OFFICER: Commander ? and who might that be ?



HANDS: What do you mean " who might that be? ' you dont know the commander?



MARCUS: WHAT?!!. Please tell me you know who the commander is. Dont sit up here and tell me , you dont know who the commander is?!!!



OFFICER ( Loking a tad bit nervous ): I dont know who the commander is...



MARCUS: Bull**** !!!!! you know who the ***k the commander is. Dont ***kin sit up her and lie to me ! Why do you think we brought up this smelly, nasty, filthy, diseased animal with little or no brain patterns just so your lazy, retarded a** can sit up here and tell us you dont know who the commander is! These orders came from the commander! Everybody in the Deadly Star knows who the commander is. You mean to tell me, You, out of everybody in this big a** space station, dont know who the commander is ?!!!



THE OFFICER AT THIS POINT, IS SWEATING UP A STORM..



MARCUS: WELL?!! Dont just stand there looking like a complete a**hole, Do you know who he is ?!!!



OFFICER: I.... Uhhh..... I... Oh God, I....



HANDS: Get a hold of yourself you ***kin sissy. Answer the G**damn question !!!!



OFFICER: Uhhhhhh .... Commander..uhhh..



MARCUS: Lets go, while we're young !!!



OFFICER: Uhhhh commander...RIKER ?



MARCUS: Bull**** !!!! You know who the ***k he is. Tellin us some stupid **** like that.Is you crazy?!! how did you get this job ? who did you see? who did you ***k ? who is your relative ? I dont what to say.. listen just move! get the hell out of here!!

Oooooo Boy, just wait 'till I tell the commander about this one!!



HANDS: This is bad.. this is really bad. you really done it, now.



OFFICER: Oh my God, what have I done ?!!!



IN HIS GRIEF, THE GUARD GRABS A BLASTER THEN TRIES TO KILL HIMESELF



MARCUS: Holy ****! look out hes got a gun !!



MARCUS AND HANDS PROCEED TO DRAW THEIR GUNS AND START FIRING WILDLY AT RANDOM SHOOTING THE CAMERAS LOCATED ON THE WALL AND DOORWAYS

THE OFFICER,UNFORTUNATELY GOT CAUGHT IN THE CROSSFIRE. AFTERWARDS THE HEROES PROCEED TO FIND THE PRINCESS, BUT NOT WITHOUT THE ALARMS GOING OFF.....HANDS IS NOW AT THE CONTROL PANEL...



HANDS: Now all we gotta do is find out which cell this princess of yours is in...here it is.cell number something something. you go get her, i'll hold everything here.



HANDS CLICK ON THE PANEL SWITCH



HANDS: Detention here...



VOICE OVER INTERCOM: We have a priority one call from The commander.



HANDS( In a state of shock ): WHAT?!! Commander who..?



VOICE OVER INTERCOM: You mean to tell me, you dont know who the commander is?



HANDS: I...Uhhh....I..Oh God...I..Commander..Riker ?



VOICE OVER INTERCOM: Correct! Hes on line now.



HANDS: Patch me through.



VOICE OVER INTERCOM: You're on, commander Riker..



RIKER ( Sounding really pissed off): What the ***K is going ON down there?!



HANDS: We brought the cokkie up to the area as you requested sir.. the officer that was stationed there just had a nervous break down, and in the mist of him going crazy, we had a rather large radiation leakage.



RIKER: Son, can I ask a really stupid question?



HANDS: Yes sir?



RIKER: How can a man having a nervous break down cause a radiation leakage ?



HANDS: Uhhhhh..



RIKER: Listen, while you'll try to answer that question, I'll send a couple of my best stormtroopers up there to tear your ***kin throats out.. hows that for starters? huh? And while I'm at it,I'll have them blow you all new a**h***!

HANDS blasts the comm and turns to Marcus and Chunkalunk.



HANDS: Marcus, we're going g to have company, and I'm not talking about dinner guests!







INT. DEADLY STAR - CELL ROW



Marcus stops at one of the cells and opens the door. Inside, the beautiful Princess Lee is shaving her legs.



LEE: C*****! Don't you people ever knock?



Marcus doesn't answer, too busy ogling her bare legs, completely unaware that he is in fact checking out his twin sis-



Whack



Hey!



Quiet. There's no need give that away right now.



But everyone already knows it!



Too bad. They'll have to wait until RotJ.



Fine. *Ahem* Marcus is too busy ogling Princess Lee, making everyone who has seen RotJ gag as they know of a certain connection between the two.



LEE: Aren't you a bit short for a stomptrooper?



MARCUS: Aren't you a bit flat for a princess?



LEE: (bristling) Who do you think you are?



MARCUS: (pulling off his helmet) I'm Marcus Streetwalker, I'm here to rescue you.



LEE: Please tell me this is a joke.



MARCUS: I'm here to rescue you! I've got your R2 unit, I'm here with Been-There McNobi!



LEE: (groaning) Oh my god, you're serious. This is his idea of a rescue?



Fed up, Marcus grabs Lee and drags her from the room, complaining the entire way.



INT. DEADLY STAR - CONFERENCE ROOM



Darth Vacuous stands at one end of a table, addressing Tarpin.



VACUOUS: He is here.



TARPIN: Ob-Ewan McNobi? What makes you think so?



VACUOUS: Because we have to have a plot.



TARPIN: Surely you must be mistaken. Plotlines are extinct, replaced by special effects and CGI characters. You, my friend, are all that remains of that ancient religon.



The commlink buzzes quietly. Tarpin activates it.



TARPIN: Yes?



VOICE OVER INTERCOM: We have an emergency situation in detention area AA-twenty-three.



TARPIN: The princess? Put all sectors on alert!



VOICE: Uh... how do I that?



TARPIN: What? Who is this?



VOICE: Uh, Ensign Ricky, sir. It's my first day.



TARPIN: (sighing) There should be a big red button next to your right hand. Push it.



Alarms and sirens begin blaring all over the Deadly Star.



COMPUTER VOICE: Thank you for activating the self-destruct sequence. This station will self-destruct in twenty seconds.



TARPIN: No, your other right!



The alarms shut off.



VOICE: (sheepishly) Sorry, sir.

Tarpin irritably slaps off the intercom.



TARPIN: (muttering) I told them they needed to raise the minimum IQ to join the army, but do they listen? Noooooo...



VACUOUS: Ob-Ewan is here. The plot is with him.



TARPIN: What? Oh, right. If you're right, he must not be allowed to escape.



VACUOUS: (with genuine menace) He will not escape. I must face him, alone.



His black cape trailing behind him, Darth Vacuous storms from the conference room, his armored form the embodiment of evil.



Except for the KICK ME sign still taped to his back



DEADLY STAR DETENTION AREA



HANDS SEE THAT THE STOMPTROOPERS ARE ABOUT TO COME THROUGH THE ELEVATOR DOOR TELLS CHUNKY TO GET READY



HANDS( Yelling at chunky ): Get behind me! Its time to rock n roll baby!!!



THE DOOR EXPLODES AND THE STOMPTROOPERS STARTS TO FIRE THEIR WEAPONS. HANDS RETURN THE FIRE IN KIND BUT NOT WITHOUT HELP FROM HIS FRIENDS.



AS THE BATTLE RAGES ON..



HANDS: C'mon fall back



RIPLEY: Medical, get to medical



HANDS IS FIRING WILDLY WITH CHUNKY RIGHT NEXT TO HIM AND VASQUEZ TO THE FAR LEFT



HUDSON: Mutha****a!!, C'mon! come and get it baby. yeah! c'mon you bast**ds. Take some of this!! Oh, you want some of this too, ***k you !!



A STOMPTROOPER BREAKES OPEN THE FLOOR UNDER HUDSON AND TRIES TO PULL HIM DOWN



HUDSON( While strugglin violently ): Arrhhhggg...***K YOU !!!!! HE FIRES HIS LASER WEAPON THROUGH THE FLOOR BUT THE SHEER NUMBER OF STOMPTROOPERS IS TOO MUCH FOR EVEN HIM



HUDSON( Screamin ): HANDS !!!!!



HANDS While grabbing Hudson's arm to try to pull him up ) HUDSON!!!!!



HUDSON( With the stomptroopers finally pulling him down): Save meeeeeeeeeeee ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh



A STOMPTROOPER LEAPS OVER HANDS BUT HE CATCHES THE ENEMY A POINT BLANK RANGE WITH HIS LASER RIFLE.



HE GETS TO CONTINUE THE FIGHT



VASQUEZ: C'mon Hands, move!!!



HANDS RUNS TO THE BACK PART OF THE HALLWAY. CHUNKY IS STILL DOING HIS PART TO HOLD OFF THE ENENMIES WHILE MARCUS AND PRINCESS LEE COMES OUT OF THE CELL.



PRINCESS LEE: Looks like you manage to cut off our only escape route..



RIPLEY: **** !! I'll say he has, Burk ! Open this door!! Burk?! Open it !!



HANDS: Maybe you would like back in your cell your highness. Marcus! please tell this b**ch to shut the ***k up, I cant concentrate on being a hero with this broad flappin her gums!!!



MORE BLASTER FIRE PENETRATES THE HALL. MEANWHILE VASQUEZ USES GRENADE LAUNCHERS TO KEEP SOME MORE STOMPTROOPERS AT BAY. SHE SOON RUNS BACK TO JOIN OUR HEROES



PRINCESS LEE: This is some rescue! You mean you dont even have a plan for an escape?!



WHACK !!!



HANDS: You still talkin?! B**ch, what the ***k I just told you..



WHACK



MARCUS: Hey, Hands. Take it easy on her. Shes only tryin to help



HANDS: Hes the brains.. sweetheart!!!



PRINCESS LEE THEN GRABS MARCUS' LASER BLASTER AND TELLS VAZQUEZ, WHO WAS MAKING A WAY OUT WITH THE MINI BLOWTORCH SHE WAS USING, TO MOVE OUT THE WAY. SHE THEN BLASTES A BIG GIANT HOLE IN THE WALL



HANDS: What the hell are you doing?!!!



PRINCESS LEE: Never send a SON to do a MOTHER'S job.



THE PRINCESS STARTS TO FIRE AT THE TROOPERS WHO WAS CAUGHT UNPREPARED FOR THE PRECISION AND STYLE OF THE WARRIOR MAIDEN ATTACK.


PRINCESS LEE( Yelling at hands ): Get in the chute fly boy!!!



BEFORE THE PRINCESS JUMPS IN, RIPLEY JUMPS IN FRONT OF HER YELLIN IN THE HOLE



RIPLEY: Newt! Hang on baby!!!



VOICE OF NEWT: Riiiiiipleyyyyyyyyyyyyy



RIPLEY: Dont let go!!! I'm coming !!!!



SHE THEN JUMPS IN THE CHUTE. PRINCESS LEE LOOKS AT MARCUS WITH A LOOK OF CONFUSION



PRINCESS LEE: Who was that woman?!



SHE JUMPS IN, LEAVING MARCUS, CHUNKY AND HANDS STILL FIGHTING. CHUNKY LOOKS AT THE HOLE AND LETS OUT A ROAR OF DISAPPROVAL



HANDS: Get in there you big hairy oaf, I dont care what you smell



HE KICKS HIM DOWN THE CHUTE



HANDS( While still firing at the troopers ): Marcus?!!, If we ever get out of here alive, I swear to God, im gonna tear a new frame out your a** for talkin me into this.



MARCUS( While jumpin down the chute ): But at least you'll get the moneeeeeeeyyyyyyyy



SOON AFTERWARDS, HANDS JUMPS IN



INT. DEADLY STAR - DAYCARE CENTER - BALL ROOM



Hands falls into a large room filled with hundreds of multi-colored balls. Chunky is pulling at a door, which doesn't budge.



HANDS: Now we're in the daycare center! Wonderful idea, princess! Chunky, get out of the way!



MARCUS: No, wait!



Hands fires his blaster. It bounces off the door and ricochets around the room, making everyone duck for cover.



MARCUS: Would you forget it? I already tried, it's childproof.



Princess Lee climbs out of the balls with an angry expression on her face.



Whack



HANDS: Ow!



LEE: Put that thing away, you're going to get us all killed!



HANDS: You want a piece of me, woman?



LEE: Anytime, hotshot.



Hands swings at Lee. Lee deftly sidesteps the punch, grabs his hand, and with a quick twist, sends him slamming into the wall.



MARCUS: (laughing) Dude, you just got your @ss kicked by a girl.



HANDS: (grumbling) It could be worse.



High-pitched, childish giggling works its way up from underneath the balls. Marcus and Hands point their guns down at the ground.



LEE: It's worse.



MARCUS: Something just moved past my leg!



HANDS: Where?



Marcus is suddenly pulled under the balls.



LEE: Marcus! Marcus!



Marcus surfaces with a gasp of air and thrashing limbs. A toddler has his arms wrapped around Marcus' neck, and two more cling to his arms.



MARCUS: Blast 'em, will you!? My gun's jammed!



HANDS: But they're just kids!



MARCUS: I don't care! Kill them!



He is pulled back under. Hands starts firing his gun blindly into the balls. Suddenly, a loud mechanical clank is heard. Gasping, Marcus surfaces. The children are nowhere in sight.



LEE: What happened?



MARCUS: I don't know, they just let go of me!



Before anyone can say anything else, more balls begin pouring into the room.



LEE: They're filling it with more balls!



HANDS: We'll be buried alive!



Our heroes try to stay on the top, but the ball level steadily rises. Soon, it is up to their elbows.



MARCUS: Wait a minute! (he pulls out his comlink) Stinky-O! Come in! man it, Stinky-O, where the hell are you?!

INT DEADLY STAR-HANGAR BAY



A GROUP OF DROIDS IS ASSEMBLED IN THE HANGER DECK





STINKY-O: Hahaha So,So whats really funny, I was in the middle of interpreting up in ****n endor,right? I was sitting under a big tree resting when i noticed this imperial officer standing right in front of me. He was like " you sitting under here resting?" I said I know what I'm doing...I'm resting! Then he starts tryin to act all tough, askin me all types of questions like " what are going to tell us today, tough droid?" I said I'm gonna tell you my usuall, Nothing, nada...I tell you, you ****. Then he says " no, you're gonna tell something today tough droid." and I said ...uhhh okay, I tell you something, go **** a jawa.